Missing You
by Temari 88
Summary: He had to leave him, though he knows it's unfair... yet he can't let those who hurt him escape: he'll hunt them down and make them pay. Then, maybe, his love will forgive him and heal him...
1. Dear God

_Hello people!_

_A new one-shot here for you :) I was listening to 'Dear God' by Avenged Sevenfold (a surprisingly calm song) and started writing this small fiction out of nowhere; it doesn't even really have a plot, just an idea that came from the song._

_It's a bit sad and supposed to be AU; the POV is... let's say Gaara even if I wasn't thinking about him specifically... Oh, there might be a second chapter but nothing's guaranteed ^_^_

_Disclamer: I own nothing_

_Hope you all enjoy!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

* * *

**MISSING YOU**

_**by Temari 88**_

**Chapter 1**

Why is it? Why, when you miss someone, the time you feel it more is during the night…? Being so used to have you beside me – to have had you there for so long – brings me to ache in ways I would never have imagined. It hurts. It hurts and I feel my throat constrict every time I breathe in. Every day, without fail, I get out of bed… I dress myself for work… I drink my coffee (bitter, like always)… I take my car and drive to the office… then my shift ends and I go back home.

I still say "Tadaima", when I enter. Even if the house is empty of another human being, even if a fist of ice takes a hold of my heart squeezing tight – my voice echoes, alone, and I smile sadly, thinking how I wished you were here to cure me, because your presence is the only remedy to the illness that has stuck with me since that day…

Certain nights are _tougher_ than others. I usually work myself to exhaustion and, though I know you wouldn't like it, those are the good nights because if I'm tired beyond capacity to remain conscious, I will not have the energy to dream – to see you when I close my eyes, to see your kind gaze on me, to see you smile – and if I don't dream, I will avoid the terrible pain that suffocates me when I open my eyes.

At night, all the thoughts I try to keep secluded, burst forward no matter how hard I wish for them to leave me alone; I don't want them: they would only worsen the miserable condition I'm in – and hope to hide – repeating over and over how I failed you. I'm sorry, I hope you know that. It is only the desire to see you again, sooner or later, that's restraining me from letting the bottomless dark claim me, for now.

I miss you so much and seeing your face as my eyelids close is both a blessing and a damnation… yet I wouldn't give it up for anything in this world.

My mind screams at me to just _go back _and continue our life together like nothing ever happened… but I can't. Even if every hour – every _minute _– that I pass away from you, a part of me dies. Still, this is a small sacrifice I'm willing to do, if it's enough to keep you alive and safe… I will never forgive myself for endangering you like I have done, so I hope you'll understand… because seeing you on that bed, surrounded by beeping machines, bruised and pale was worst than an accusing finger pointed at me. Worse, yes, for I know you would have _forgiven_ me.

You got away with being with me, this time, but what about the future? I don't want to lose you – it's pure egoism, on my part – not this way, not because of me. You'll be safer, now that I'm gone and, please, try not to hate me for what I've done, for the suffering I'll put you through: I did it for your sake.

I had to leave you, even if love and devotion will always have your beautiful face.


	2. I Miss You

_Hello everybody! :D_

_To celebrate gaara's birthday, the second chapter of this short story... I'll add another couple of chapters to this so that it won't remain 'unfinished' ^^ this one has_ _'_I miss you_' by Simple Plan as a soundtrack :P_

_Naruto's POV_

_Enjoy!_

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAARA!_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

The first thing I notice is a fierce headache, an incessant pounding coming from behind my closed eyelids and my temples; then I feel the heaviness of my limbs as I try to lift a hand to my forehead. I slowly open my eyes and what meets them are a white ceiling, peach-colored walls and the sparse furniture making up the room I'm in: four plastic chairs, two plastic-and-steel tables and two beds (one being the one I was occupying).

_Hospital…_

_Wh-what…?_

I blink five times rapidly then narrow my eyes… it's difficult to focus, to think; the throbbing of my head gets worse but I can't move more than an inch. I try to sit up; a grunt passes my mouth as a stab of pain leaves me with tears threatening to fall. Breathing in carefully I let the stab fade to an ever-present pulsing that joins my headache and the very uncomfortable feeling I get as every part of me aches terribly. Lowering my lids, I try to relax, think back – I can't quite recall how I ended up here… my hands clench tentatively and go lax after I feel no further the stinging pull of muscles laid unmoving for long.

I form fists again and again and again, each time also raising my arm a little… each time I do, a small voice tells me I'm missing something there, against my palm, but what is it? Thinking about this, I hear someone coming closer to the room: it's a doctor; he tells me I've been shot at – my stomach, a leg and a shoulder – he tells me I've been in a coma for two weeks, they had feared I wouldn't make it; the doctor also says my friends and family have been visiting me, hoping I would wake up…

I guess I'm happy about being alive. Isn't that something everyone desires…? To live just another day, another, another and so on. I guess I should also be happy to know I have people who care whether I open my eyes or not, who keep visiting me even if they know I wouldn't know, who would keep praying for my sake.

_I am happy…_

_I am…_

I've been awake for a week already – I won't be leaving this room for a while – and all the people that care about me have come see me, saying how glad they are I'm finally with them once more, making plans for when I'll get out of the hospital… I think I'm being myself but somehow I can't bring myself to smile, not even in front of my mother, because I know there's _something_ I'm forgetting… it's my heart telling me this and although I don't understand, although I don't remember, each day this nagging in the back of my mind gets harder to push away.

I can't pretend there's nothing worrying me – people have started to notice and ask – but I don't know what it is! If I try to concentrate to make that presence finally come in the open, I'd double over clutching my head, blades cutting through my brain, leaving me panting and with a splitting headache. It's all about waiting though… I feel soon this something I'm forgetting will come back to me, I will remember…

_I open my eyes, a field of beautiful green grass extending until eye can see and a cloudless sky above; I look back but there's nothing apart from me. I'm feeling better than I've been feeling recently, a lot better… I breathe in deeply, tasting the clean air on my tongue, stretching my body upward a bit. I notice that, over my general good health, there's a void somewhere around my heart… placing a hand over it, I faintly feel it beating… I'm used to fall asleep listening to a heartbeat, I know it, but I also know it's not my own heart I've taken as my personal lullaby…_

So I have a… lover…?

_As soon as I think that, I see a figure approaching, walking towards me with long and steady strides; it takes very few minutes for the person to be near enough that I see them clearly. I slowly take in the red hair, the alabaster skin, the teal eyes, the thin lips, the slender but strong body… I feel my breath catch, unable to get past my lungs…_

I know this person.

_I reach out a hand, beckoning the young-looking man forward, asking him silently to grab my fingers and come near… I want to hug this person, I want to hear his heartbeat under my ear, I want to caress the pale face, I want to kiss those lips… I know only then, I will be really complete and well._

_GAARA!_

I wake up, crying desperately, clutching the fabric on my chest with so much force my knuckles turn white. The other hand blindly reaches out again, trying to touch the fading image of a man with red hair… caressing my hair gently, talking to me in whispers, asking for forgiveness for what happened to me… I recall the ice settling inside me when I realized he was leaving me… I can't stop the choking sobs bubbling up my throat and I continue shedding tears…

_Gaara!_

_Gaara…!_

_Gaara… come back…_


	3. Even in Death

_Hello everybody! :D_

_Uhm, it took a while to get around to write this... and now that I did, i have to say that it got a little bit out of hand, hehe. I wanted to write about a sad-but-still-lovingly-sane Gaara instead he ended up a bit, uuhh, crazy...? __Still loving though! :P The song doing the soundtrack is_ _'_Even in Death_' by Evanescence, sort of..._

_Sorry for any mistakes, I was eager to put it up ;P  
The next and last part will probably be up for Valentine's Day, probably ^^_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Every time I look myself in the mirror, while thinking of you, I realize that sorrow might really have a human heart – my heart; because just closing my eyes and recalling his soft smile has my chest ache so badly… I feel like I've lost my most precious person forever – sometimes I see myself reaching out to a figure that quickly disappears as I stretch forward, the tips of my fingers closing on empty air – but I can only blame myself. Only myself. Just seeing my reflection makes me want to destroy everything… I just hate how **weak** I am.

I still remember how I wished that night would have lasted for all eternity, with you held tightly in my arms, with me showering kisses all over your peaceful face as those eyes regarded me with love and devotion… if I let my mind linger on those moments, I have no trouble feeling the ghost of your touches running through my body and it's such a bittersweet reminder, I wouldn't be able to stop it from washing all over me but then I'd have to bit on a hand to keep from shouting out loud…

Every once in a while, I would find myself shaking – trembling from the sheer desire to simply go back and search for you and hold you and kiss, touch, love every part of you. Be free to worship you the way you deserve, that would be my perfect Eden because your presence is _warmth_, _safety_ from the evil littering this world, _love_ at its purest… I am… honored to have been chosen as The One for you… I promised I would have done anything to protect you, yet I failed miserably: I don't deserve to see your affection. I let them hurt you – I'm the vilest creature existing.

Until I've found and annihilated each and every one connected to the attack, I will not let myself _consider_ going back to face you again. I will have my revenge. No one can taint you the way they did and get away with it. I don't care if, in the end, my hands will be dripping blood, if my soul will be painted black for my sins – no, I will cherish every drop of filthy crimson blood because it would mean one step closer to see you again… I will thank whatever deity may look upon me for every life I will get to end… until the day no more enemies threatening your life will walk this world no more.

And if you'll look at me disgusted by my drenched hands, then I will understand and find the strength to let you go – I'll be happy knowing you'll be safe, even if it means I won't be there next to you. Or maybe you will be kind and caring like you always are and wash away the blood and the filth that's slowly driving me mad.

I love you. I love you more than anything and I never wanted to be separated from you… oh how I long to go back… but I can't! Not just yet. But I want to, I want to, oh how I want to! I continue to repeat that, as I steadily cut down the list of my (and your) enemies, one at a time, hunting them down like a predator and feeding off their fear and terror, listening yet ignoring their choked choirs for mercy… looking on with emotionless eyes as the steel of the tanto pierces them through their hearts and gets tinted with thin lines of deep red pooling on the ground… a little more, just a little more, then I'll finally start looking for you, my love…!

I hope you will wait for me. Please, my love – my only God - please wait for me.

I'd like to trace your smiling lips again; caress them with my own as your presence would finally bring peace to my soul and, with a simple touch from you, being pieced back together.

Together, me and you, my only love.


	4. A Little Pain to Save You

_Hello everyone! :D_

_As promised the last chapter of this short fic is out in time for Valentine's day, yay! ^-^ It's almost as long as all the other chapters together but I figure if I wanted to compete it, I needed to write more than 700 words, hehe. The soundtrack here is made of two songs:_ _'_A Little Pain_' by Olivia Lufkin and '_Save You_' by Simple Plan._

_Here we have both Naruto's (first and last part) POV and Gaara's (middle part) POV_

_I'm content of how it turned out and hope you'll like it too! :P_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Yesterday the doctor that has been following my recovery has finally pronounced the words I'd been dying to hear: 'You've been discharged, you are free to go home tomorrow morning.'; I was so excited I could hardly speak a word of thanks, hell I couldn't even breathe properly at how eager I was. Yet… I was – I am – also afraid. I fear I'll open the door to find an empty apartment… it's been more than a month and a half since I've grasped that bronze handle.

Suddenly I'm not so sure that coming back alone was actually a good idea anymore… suddenly I'm biting my lip out of nervousness, my hand inching toward the door in a sluggish movement as if my mind is desperately trying to buy time to save the unbreakable truth from crashing down on me. Is this how 'self-preservation' works? My mind is screaming a string of 'don'tdon'tdon'tdon't!' in a pleading tone…

I should probably listen to it and turn away, maybe wait some more days before coming back here and when I do - when my head thinks I'm ready – I should probably ask someone to come with me… just in case… yes, that would be the best thing to do: wait just another week, live with my parents, fall back into a normal life outside a sterile hospital before _and then_ come back and open this door and call in a happy voice 'Tadaima!' and smile as Gaara exits the kitchen to greet me like it's been a long time since we last saw each other, even if it was only yesterday when he came to see me out of that awful place, except…

Except Gaara didn't come to pick me up yesterday. _Except_ we didn't saw each other yesterday. _**Except**_ I haven't seen Gaara in such a long time…! _**EXCEPT**_ I'm pretty sure there won't be any Gaara greeting me on the other side of the door because I haven't heard or seen from him in over a month!

_Stupid! Stupid. Stop this and fucking open this door!_

I enter; the click of the wooden door echoes throughout the air as I whisper "Tadaima" and, as I was so fervently hoping not happening, no "Okaeri nasai" answers me… but my stubborn heart tells me that maybe he's sleeping and he hasn't heard me coming in – a dangerous thing is, that thing called 'hope' – so I leave the bags near the entrance and take the shoes off, paddling towards our bedroom with a hesitant smile pulling at my lips. The door is not closed, I inch close quietly and prepare to let out a loud greeting when all my eyes set on is a thin layer of dust blanketing the room…

The smile melts away but I turn on my heels and check the other living spaces – that hope still present – where I'm sure to find at least one proof that you've been in here recently… I come up with naught but dust and a raising sense of panic and desperation, of abandonment and guilt… I feel my legs give out from under me; there I stay, on my knees, as I stare in front of me without blinking and there, on the other side of the living-room, I see some dark stains on the floor.

_Blood._

_That's blood…_

_That's…_ my _blood… isn't it?_

_That's where I got… shot at, is it._

_**"**__**It's for your sake. I shouldn't stay by your side until there's still people after me… you could get involved."**_

**_"_**_**I'm sorry… it's all my fault. I should've known… the ambulance will be here soon, don't worry."**_

_**"**__**I can't stay with you… you survived this time, but what if it happens again?"**_

_**"**__**I won't let them get away with what they've done. I'll make them pay."**_

…

_It's their entire fault!_

_If I'm alone and Gaara's not here is all because of them…!_

_I hope you all die! What right did you have to take him away? Death is the only fate you all deserve!_

My hands are trembling in anger and I can't stop them; the hatred for my attackers is so fierce, I think I could smash the house down with its violence… if only I could remember how they looked like!… But, even if I found them, what would I do? I have no training on physical combat and I certainly can't use a gun for the first time to kill some very dangerous people… it's a useless anger, the one boiling low in my stomach; one on which I can't act upon.

I just want Gaara back. I miss him so much. I wonder how much longer I'll resist without him here to press me into his chest… I find my eyes closing and once again the remnants of his sent and feel spring in my memory – the faint spicy sent of his skin, so like the red hair and tattoo on his forehead; the jade eyes full of emotions only for me to see; the possessive yet gentle brush of his fingers and lips; the passionate way we made love… - I want it all back…

_Gaara…_

-x-

_Naruto…_

_I'll be there soon, wait for me._

Someone might be surprised by how little time it took me to track down all the fucking bastards who had dared come crashing into my house that day… but there is a very important variant to take into consideration before drawing conclusions: they shot at Naruto; they almost killed him just to get at me. That can't be forgiven. Immediate action had to be taken, so I did – to the cost of abandoning my love's side for as long as it took me to dispose of them.

And now I can at last begin to taste the sweet prospect of going back home, open the door and see his blue eyes smile at me. I'll ask for forgiveness and hope you'll let me hold you like I used to.

But I have one more thing to do before – the last of those fuckers awaits a sentence he doesn't know is coming… he is the man I've been waiting to kill first yet stopped my desire thinking of how his fear could only grow as each of his 'underlings' were murdered one after the other, knowing full well just who was behind it… how good will it be to taste his terror as I'll bore my stare into his black eyes…

_Yes… the satisfying feeling of getting revenge…_

Especially over you, bastard. How could you do this to him? He was your friend! He trusted you, yet you didn't think twice before pointing the gun towards him and pull the trigger; how could you stand there impassible, watching him bleed onto the wooden floor; how could you be so false as to go visit him at the hospital, saying you were sorry for what happened – HOW COULD YOU?

… How stupid of you, forget to watch your back today, but thanks: all the more easy for me.

The tanto Naruto gave me some time ago for my birthday shines happily in the dark room and even if the plan of killing you with a single blow seems out of the question, now that you're awake, I don't feel anything but glee: the more painful the death, the better.

_**"**__**Ah, good, he got knocked out**__**."**_

_**"**__**I'm sorry but if you insist on being like this, I'll have to be rough…"**_

**_"_**_**Well he was stupid to believe I could let you take him for yourself. If I can't have him, then sure as hell neither can you."  
Bang. Bang. Bang.**_

You don't know what you've unleashed, hurting Naruto. A stab to the heart won't satisfy me this time because it would end too quickly and I owe you at the very least three hits. How about I leave you on the floor with a hole on your shoulder, one on your leg and your stomach torn open so you can depart from this world staring at your intestines getting out from your body…? I think it's a justified end, don't you? Oh, probably it's better to cut the tendons of the wrists… wouldn't want you to crawl over the phone and pick it up, after all.

_Good, I'll do that._

…

_I'd love to assist to your departure, but I have to go back to my only love._

-x-

I startle when I hear a pounding on the front door. It's late… who could it be? I get up from the bed and slowly approach the entrance. Should I really open up…? It could be anyone. Even if this neighborhood isn't a dangerous one, past experiences account for something, don't they? Sure, I guess robbers and the like wouldn't just knock… I open the door a crack and then pull it all the way with a quick shove—

Gaara! It really is Gaara standing in front of me! I can't believe it…! I feel tears well up in my eyes, I lunge forward and hug him tightly, felling down and taking him with me. One of his hands sneaks around my waist to press me even more to him; I can hear him breathe in deeply, his face buried in the crook of my neck. Then he raises his other hand to caress my right cheek and I flinch back a little at the sudden cold sensation of something grazing my arm… I loosen the embrace to take in better the sight of my precious lover, but I stiffen immediately: crimson is what meets my eyes – on his face, his shirt, his hands… on the steel of the tanto he's holding in his right hand – and I'm instantaneously afraid of Gaara…

Yet I don't move more than to lower the arms around his neck. The almost crazed look in those jade eyes stirs fear inside me, my mind yelling at me to 'get up and run, he's going to kill me' while my heart says to 'stay calm, he wouldn't hurt me; I trust him.' and lost in the battle I stay there looking at him.

"Gaara…?" my voice is surprisingly calm. "Whose blood is that…?"

Gaara looks down at himself, as if he just noticed he was covered in dried blood. "The bastard who shot you." he smiles then, happy with himself, and reaches out with a dirty hand to trace my lower lip. "I've killed them all. For you. Now no one will hurt you again."

_They're dead._

_He killed them…_

"I can die too, now, if you want me to… if you can't look at a murderer, I can let you go…" he whispers as he closes in and kisses me lightly before pulling away. "I just wanted to see you again. I love you; I love you so much I wouldn't mind dying for you…" he kisses me one more time, longer and flickering his tongue over my teeth; I kiss him back and guide him into my mouth with slow stokes. He pulls away again.

"Gaara…"

_He killed them._

_He wants to leave._

_He killed someone…_

_He wants to leave…_

_He killed—_

_HE WANTS TO GO AWAY! HE WANTS TO LEAVE ME AGAIN!_

_I CAN'T LET HIM GO…! I CAN'T!_

_I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!_

"Don't go!" I shout out, grabbing his hand and crashing our lips together with a desperation I have never felt before. "I don't care what you did. Don't leave me!" I look down at his hands and see my tears hit them and draw thin trails, washing away a small amount of blood… I cradle Gaara's hand with mine, guiding them to my mouth, I kiss them three, four, ten times; I cup his face with my hands and shower kisses all over it. "I don't care… I don't care…"

After I don't know how much time, Gaara tilts my face up and he kisses me one more time and I can feel an immense love pass through his lips as he holds me there. And in this moment the only words running through my head are wedding vows… how strangely fitting…

_For better or worse, in sickness and in good health;  
__Until death do us apart…_


End file.
